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2006 Clowntown Film Asssociation Awards

 

2/27/06 -  Cinderella Man Takes Best Picture; Rent, Hostage Take Worst And Clown Film
Big Names Sweep Worst Acting Categories

I suppose it was a counterpoint to the cynicism of Hollywood this year that an uplifting and heart warming story of a man who over comes obstacles wins Best Picture.  Cinderella Man, Ron Howard's tale of a  pugilist down and out during the American Great Depression took home four awards, including Best Picture, Director, Editing and Best Supporting Actor. Hollywood obviously snubbed this film because the man character gives money BACK to the government after getting a much-needed hand out. Tim Robbins and Arec Bardwin and the rest of F.A.G. are still bewildered. They don't understand how anyone could possibly even imagine returning money to the government - unless of course, it was confiscated through more taxation. At any rate, Ron Howard went on to win his first Best Director in his second nomination. He was nominated for A Beautiful Mind only to lose to Peter Jackson's Fellowship of the Ring. Paul Giamatti won the only acting Crown for the film. Renee Zellweger and Russell Crowe were both nominated, but perhaps CFA decided that two previous wards each for them was enough.

Two other movies won four awards as well. The "critically acclaimed but snubbed from the Oscar and CFA Best Pic category" Walk The Line won for Best Actor Joaquin Phoenix and Best Actress Reese Witherspoon, as well as Best Adapted Screenplay and Music Compilation. With three wins in major categories Walk the Line might be the front runner for O Movie Where Art Thou? next year. George Lucas saved some grace with Star Wars Episode III: Revenge Of The Sith. The final Star Wars installment 'forced' its way to four wins, including Best Score for the legendary John Williams, Best Makeup, Visual Effects and Costume. But as Boss Goo once said about ROTS, "It's not that it was great but that it didn't suck as bad as the last two." Wise words indeed, but at least it had a bunch of cool light saber duels.

The apocalypse must be approaching because Woody Allen won BEST Original Screenplay. Yes, Clowntown has awarded the crazy little Jew for doing something GOOD. Shocking. But Match Point was undeniably good and even good enough to get the attention of CFA voters, in a bit of a upset over favorites Wedding Crashers and Cinderella Man. Rachel Weisz from The Constant Gardener won the other major award for Best Supporting Actress. Batman Begins won two awards - Best Art Direction and Best Sound.

5, 254, 345 clowns. 5, 254, 345 Clowntown awards. How do you measure the feats of a clown film? Well, by awarding it with Worst Picture and three Clownies. Rent was the big "winner" this year, despite being seen by ZERO Clowntown Voters. All you have to see are the previews and that is good enough to showcase what a piece of crap it was. Ironically, or perhaps fittingly, it won Worst Music and Script. Bruce Willis clowned his way to earn his  masterpiece Hostage to Clown Film of the Year while Stepen Chow kung-fu'ed all the way to Worst Director for Kung Fu Hustle. John Travolta returned to his uber-clown ways to take grab the award for Worst Actor and the prestigious Top Clown Award  as some jackass in the sequel to Get Shory, Be Cool. Rent and Be Cool were the only movies to win more than one Clownie. Big names dominated the acting categories. Besides Travolta, Willie Nelson, Tara Reid and Hanoi Jane Fonda all won their respective categories. Is Jane Fonda in the Hall of Clowns? And if not, why? For shame Clowntown.

Well that wraps a total crap year for movies in the year 2005. Here's hoping 2006 is better. Last year the early favorites for CFA Best Pic were Kingdom of Heaven and The New World. They did well, totally 16 nominations between them, but no wins and overall under whelmed the CFA voters. 2006 is looking at The Da Vinci Code and Apocalypto as the early candidates. The big questions for these films are: Can Ron Howard remove the cheese and clown from the popular novel and can Mel Gibson relax and let the movie develop without a heavy hand and 54 slow-motion shots within the first 15 minutes? We're also looking at a big year for The King of All Clowns, Nicolas Cage. He has three live action films out this year and we're hoping he pulls off the Clowntown hat trick. Then again, perhaps he and Oliver Stone can turn World Trade Center into a CFA contender. We shall see, yes, we shall see.... gollum.....

The Crowns.... The Best of 2005....

  Best Picture   Best Director
  Batman Begins   Christopher Nolan - Batman Begins
  Cinderella Man   Ron Howard - Cinderella Man
  The New World   Terence Malick - The New World
  Match Point   Woody Allen - Match Point
  Wedding Crashers   James Mangold  - Walk The Line
       
  Best Actor   Best Actress
  Joaquin Phoenix  - Walk The Line   Naomi Watts King Kong
  Vince Vaughn Wedding Crashers   Reese Witherspoon Walk the Line
  Heath Ledger Brokeback Mountain   Q'Orianka Kilcher The New World
  Russell Crowe Cinderella Man   Keira Knightley Pride and Prejudice
  Philip Seymour Hoffman - Capote   Claire Danes - Shopgirl
       
  Supporting Actor   Supporting Actress
  Paul Giamatti Cinderella Man   Maria Bello A History of Violence
  Jake Gyllenhaal - Brokeback Mountain   Scarlett Johannson Match Point
  Frank Langella - Good Night, & Good Luck   Rachael Weisz Constant Gardner
  Ian McDiarmid - Revenge of the Sith   Michelle Williams Brokeback Mountain
  Edward Norton - Kingdom of Heaven   Renee Zelwegger Cinderella Man
           
  Original Screenplay   Adapted Screenplay   Score
  The 40 Year Old Virgin   The Constant Gardener   Batman Begins - Hans Zimmer & James Newton Howard
  Syriana   A History of Violence   Brokeback Mountain - Gustavo Santaolalla
  Cinderella Man   Munich   King Kong - James Newton Howard
  Match Point - Woody Allen   Shopgirl   The New World - James Horner
  Wedding Crashers   Walk The Line  -  Gill Dennis  & James Mangold   Star Wars III - Revenge of the Sith - John Williams
      Batman Begins    
  Music Compilation   Art Direction/Production Design   Cinematography
  Good Night, & Good Luck   Batman Begins   Brokeback Mountain
  Match Point   Good Night, And Good Luck   The Constant Gardener
  The New World   King Kong   A  History of Violence
  Walk The Line   Kingdom of Heaven   The New World
  Wedding Crashers   Star Wars III - Revenge of the Sith   Syriana
           
  Makeup   Costume   Visual Effects
  Cinderella Man   Cinderella Man   Batman Begins
  History of Violence   King Kong   King Kong
  Kingdom of Heaven   Kingdom of Heaven   Kingdom of Heaven
  The New World   The New World   Star Wars III ROTS
  Star Wars III - ROTS   Star Wars III - ROTS   War of the Worlds
           
  Cast   Film Editing   Sound
  Batman Begins   Cinderella Man   Batman Begins
  The New World   The Constant Gardener   Cinderella Man
  Syriana   A History Of Violence   King Kong
  Walk The Line   Munich   Kingdom of Heaven
  Wedding Crashers   Walk The Line   The New World

The Crowns....

 

The Worst of 2005

Worst Film Clown Film Worst Director
House Of D Flight Plan Werner Herzog Grizzly Man
Grizzly Man The Cave David Duchovney House of D
Mindhunters Sahara Stephen Chow Kung Fu Hustle
Crash Hostage Florent Elimio Siri Hostage
Sin City Stealth Frank Miller Sin City
Rent Kung Fu Hustle Renny Harlin Mindhunters
     
Top Clown Worst Actor Worst Actress
Bruce Willis Hostage John Travolta Be Cool Tara Reid Alone In The Dark
David Duchovney House of D Bruce Willis Hostage Tilda Swinton Narnia
Tim Treadwell/ Herzog - Grizzly Man Cole Hauser The Cave Jodie Foster Flight Plan
Stephen Chow - Kung Fu Hustle Josh Lucas - Stealth Jessica Biel - Stealth
Jodie Foster - Flight Plan Christian Slater - Mindhunters Rosario Dawson - Rent
John Travolta Be Cool Keanu Reeves Constantine Uma Thurman Be Cool
     
Worst Sup Actor Worst Supporting Actress Worst Screenplay
Robin Williams House of D Jane Fonda Monster In Law Paul Haggis - Crash
Burt Reynolds The Longest Yard Erykah Badu House of D Mindhunters
Nick Stahl Sin City Rosario Dawson Sin City Simon Kinberg XXX: State of the  Union
Willem DaFoe XXX:SOTU Sandra Bullock - Crash Rent
Willie Nelson The Dukes of Hazzard Tilda Swinton Constantine Sahara
     
Worst Music Worst Editing Worst Visuals#
Charlie & The Chocolate Factory Hostage The Cave
Sahara Sin City Hostage
Constantine The Cave Mindhunters
Rent Mindhunters Kung Fu Hustle
Stealth Constantine XXX: SOTU

 

 

 

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