2003

France Wins Probably The Only Thing It Will Ever Win: CLOWN OF THE YEAR!

'Viva la France' he cheered, a smarmy old Frenchman said as he sauntered down the streets of Main Street, Oneonta. Maquis du Fromage was in the 'States', as is fond of describing them as, for a protest against the evils of Republicans, George Bush and microwave ovens. "The Citizens Alternative Voice said these ovens will destroy the earth, so I think we as people of this planet have a duty to come together and rid this evil of le monde". We then told him his country won Clown of the Year for Clowntown. "Whaaaaaaat!?" he said in Moe Szylack style, and then remained in a stupor for a good 5 or 6 days.

So France has won Clown of the Year. It beat out the CAV, Michael Jackson, Ben Affleck, and Howard Dean. All four will surely be back for another shot for the clowniest of awards.

Crown of the Year was won by the U.S. Soldier, and that includes Captain Mike Zizza a member of the Clowntown Society. It was a good 2003 for Cpt. Zizza, "First I win the Clowntown Fantasy Baseball League and now this. Life is good." Another Clowntown native, Shane Gregory, took home the surprise win for Local Clown of the Year, beating out annual nominees CAV and Tom Grace. "I did wha? I don't know what that is, but I ahm go-ing down to tha Dragonfly for a drink."

Word of the Year was won by "INDEED". When we told Indeed about its accomplishment it replied with just one word... you guessed it ... 'Indeeeeeeeed!"

The Excellence in Journalism Award was won by Paul Obidinski and Pat Muller for their Federalist Papers-style treatist entitled The stupid concept of work and retirement age. This will surely be a classic for many generations as they look back and realize that the Clownding Fathers had it right-- work is stupid.

Clown of the Year		Crown of the Year
	Michael Jackson		George W. Bush
	Ben Affleck		Peter Jackson
********	France		Carmelo Anthony
	Howard Dean	********	U.S. Soldier (including Captain Mike Zizza)
	Jennifer Lopez		Michael Savage

Local Clown of the Year		Word of the Year
	Tom Grace/Uncle Chet	********	Indeed
	Citizens Alternative Voice		Brilliant
********	Shane Gregory		Stupid
	Mark Centofante		Nincompoopery
	Bob Lindroth		Megamillions

Excellence in Journalism
********	Stupid Concept of Work - Paul Obidinski/Pat Muller
	Handicapping the Clownies - Joe Muller
	Gigli - Scummy the Clown
	Clowntown Fathers In Jeopardy? - Fred Muller
	Lord of the Films - Joe Muller
	The Matrix Reloaded - Scummy the Clown